Time to find my own way..

I was to be leaving Nottinghamshire for Wiltshire in the next few months to take a position as a working student with James Roberts.  Due to a change in circumstances (his not mine) that now won't be happening.  Am I disappointed?  Well obviously.  Will it slow me down or change my goals?  Not a chance.  The only difference is that now I find my own way.

I have no desire to be an instructor so what is it I do want?  I want Bea to reach her full potential, I want Bea to be a super horse.  I want her to ask me the question, 'are you absolutely sure about this' when she comes across something she is sceptical about without taking off into the great blue yonder.  I want her to trust that I will never lead her into danger, that she will always come home very much alive.  On the ground I can do that, pretty easily.  Ridden, forget it I throw the leadership at her.  Not a good combination!  Then I found Martin a Sports Confidence Coach, quite by accident.

It was very simple when you stripped things down to the bare bones.  Did I want to ride?  Yes and my desire was greater than my fear, only by about 1% but thats all you need. What had happened to cause my fear? Long reply here plus the fact that I had the whole unhappy incident on tape and could see on reflection that I was being given the thumbs down sign from my 'trusty' steed.  Was there any way I would ever miss the signs again?  You bet your boots there wasn't, that little stunt made me learn and FAST.

So to begin with I had to realise that I was in shock from my little adventure.  I guess alot of riders are permenantly in shock and ride with it daily.  Shock is a normal response.  Since the incident I had gone out and sort information, gone on courses, remounted.  Ok remounted and trembled but remounted nonetheless and lived!  I had to stop living in the past I was now well armed with solutions and ability. I must live in the present (heard that somewhere before). I need to project then focus on where I want to be in life and in my riding.  I needed to change my thought patterns about myself immediately using repetition to make them reality.  Then the real shocker, something I'd never even considered, I was close to a breakthrough.

The first few rides I felt the fear, in fact I got on and got off a fair few times.  Then one afternoon I got on and was so caught up in going somewhere and doing something I forgot to be scared.  It only occurred to me afterwards.  Another session I found myself thinking I wonder what will happen if I go faster. As opposed to this is going to happen if I go faster!  Now I'm bringing in the patterns which is helpful to both horse and rider.  I even drop the reins and pick them up by feel.  We are not out of the round pen yet but I do see a time when we will be.